Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Gone.. .. . .. ..

My darling's gone, for 12 days no less.
And on the day she left.
I blundered and made such a mess.
Horrible I feel, deep beneath this machismo.
Tearing me inside, this clawing beast.
So now hear I sit, alone and at unease.
Wondering how my baby's doing, in a far away land
I miss her oh so deeply, without end or reprieve.
My sweet darling boo, my precious Eve.
Come back to me soon, for my love calls out to you.
For if life were to be without you,
then living would be without point as well.
Come back soon baby girl. . .
I'll wait till you return...
For I love you so much..
My fire within me for you will burn..
Forever and ever, till time immemorial. . .

Saturday, 2 February 2008

What the..!!

Today, I got stung by a freaking BEE!! What kinda idiotic clandestine encounter is that?!?! I mean, WHO really gets stung by a bee these days. Almost never!! I mean, you'd that once we wipe out their habitats these freakin' insects would leave us be! Damn it!! The lil' bugger should be paying me rent for breathing my air!! ARGH!! Ok, so I'm venting at a tiny insect and yes I maaaaay be overreacting. But consider this little fact and you might come to understand where all these frustrations are spawned from. Firstly, I was on the way for my jam session and for once I was early! As in, I didn't have to run, didn't have to rush, didn't have to panic! I was at my own pace, strolling to my bus stop talking to my love on the phone. It was all good! Then, I got freaking stung! I screamed into the phone. Hung up with my boo, then called my mom; told her I was stung. She panics, then I panic and rushed back home for mommy to heal my boo boo. I walk back, light headed as hell, tight in the chest and breathing heavily, walking unsteadily as if I was about to fall, face blanketed with perspiration, and I thought I wasn't going to make it. I swear, I felt so damn vulnerable. I hate that feeling! So mom advices that I head straight to the doctor, and my nicest of nice brother drove me there and accompanied me throughout. WOW! I have such a sweet brother. "Life threatening" situations bring out the best in people eh? hehehe.. So anyway, I get to the hospital, get told that it ain't serious and was made to wait for the damn doctor. During which I tell my brother that we should bail since it wasn't serious. But it was then that my brother shared with me the horror story mom told him. Apparently she or my dad had a friend who got stung by a bee. felt alright, ignored it and went about his day. Come night, with the sun setting on this part of the world. So did the friend. His life spark dimmed and shadowed and left this world just as the light had. Hearing this. I of course freaked. I mean, who would want to risk it?! I'm only 24! Many things to do and accomplished. Hells no I ain't gonna risk it. So i pestered a male nurse and got him to jump my queue. I got stung by a fucking bee! I ain't gonna wait!!! So he bumps me up quite a bit and before I knew it, I only had 2 buggers in front of me. Soon, it was my turn. I went in, told the good man what had happened; he checks my blood pressure, checks my airways for swelling, body for rashes and my point of contact between man and bee. Hehehe.. Ahem.. Anyhoos, so he sees me for 5 minutes and I get out of there. I head to the counter where I find out that I had to pay the freaking hosital 90 fucking dollars for 5 minutes of the doc's most FUCKING precious time! WHAT THE FUCK!!! So left without choice I had to pay up, I mean I can't run! They know where I live! They made sure before I saw the fucker. Smart peoples they are no? No wonder their so damn rich.. Siiiiiigh!!! So it was $90 down the drain.. I didn't even get drugs.. I mean, meds from him.. Sheesh.. Mom was kind enough to want to pay for it all, but I had a conscience and wouldn't allow it. So I paid half. Of which I spent on booze but I shall elaborate more in this entry...

So anyways, I head down to the studio, almost tempted to by cab, by bus and examine my hand intensely. Moments of numbing pain and irritation but nothing more. So I concluded my examination and cursed under my breath. I reached the studio and jammed the remaining 45 minutes that we had and left. We hung for a bit and I smoked as much as I could puff. What? I got stung by a bee! I deserve it! Heehhehehehehe..

Come 5.30pm, we part ways and I headed to Holland V for drinks with old friends; Luke, Mel, Saf and Alex. We had our dinner and caught up, it felt like a million years since we last had a decent conversation and it was a bit awkward at first simply because there was so much to ask but so little time to do it in. So we spent a bit of time picking questions in our heads, before long we were chatter boxes without a stopper. It was great times. . . Dinner ended and we proceeded to Walas for drinks and waited for Mel who came at a late late 9pm. To sum it up, it was a fantastic reunion of friends, great beer, lotsa cigarettes, banging music by a room shaking band. A note though, I love The Unexpected's, or shirline's, version of I will survive! Man! Tickled my silly!!!

Alas, all good things come to an end... We had a quick bite at Modestos, smokes some more and left at 4+am. All in all... Had a crappy start to the day... I blew my $50... And with bills to pay... Not smart... Arg!! To all ye tight budgeters.. Don't blow your cash on booze when you ain't got none!

Cheers!!!

Kenster

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Of Triumphs and Disappointments

Well, I've gotten a reply from Red Dawn today. Turns out they've already shortlisted their candidates for the opening. Sigh.. Can't really blame them, I was late for my writing test. 5 days late no less. But what really griped me was how I could've prevented all this by NOT going to my Hong Kong trip; which by the way was uneventful and disappointing. Its so disappointing that I'm not even going to waste time, energy and blog space talking about it. But I will say this, and heed this as a warning ye who decide to go on holiday by travel agency. DO NOT. And I stress. DO NOT, book your holidays via China Express Holidays! Omfg!! Their crap! And they speaka no engrish!! Infuriating! Sigh. *Breaths* But I shan't digress. Anyhoo, I emailed them a day after dateline and expressed my apologies profusely and "begged" they at least consider me and that I would submit my work by Monday; using the same amount of days allocated to me to hand in my stuff. And so I did. Albeit I kinda slacked here and there, but I worked through the night till about 5 am plus and through the next day. And I was really proud of my work! It was hard, but I felt a sense of pride of the process and result. I actually still had it in me to write! So I sent in my work smug and confident that I kicked their asses. But boy was I overconfident. The email shook me at my foundations, bringing back to reality. In the corporate world, I am but an insect that has to work his way up, evolving, before I can speak with clout. So once again, I'm a recruit. Lowest life form. Yet to earn his stripes before he can walk around freely and talk with the big guns. Ah yes. . . Nostalgic it does feel. Oh well . . . All in good time I suppose. God does have a plan for us all, and I hope he has a pleasant one for me. My Mom reminded me of something. Of my God and how I chose to be a Catholic and I should follow it through. I do have a habit of not following through. It annoys me but I still do it. Crap. I never learn. But I do make the effort, just have to be more consistent is all. God is kind and he is good no matter what my negative voice says. And aye, I shall make a commitment to my God. For He is my Lord God, merciful and forgiving, kind and benevolent. But he has a temper. That's why we've got Jesus. And I love him so. For saving our souls with his blood. Forgiving us of our sins. Yup. I should be more involved in church. I'll let you readers out there know my progress. If any. Hehehe. But I will make a resolute effort. :) PROMISE!!!

On a high note today! And this really lifted my spirits. ODEX. FUCK-EX. Lost its appeal to get the names of illegal downloaders today! I mean, this is a company that produces low quality shit. With Dubs that resemble that of China people trying to speak English! In fact, I think they actually hire dubbers that speaka engrish not so gooooood!! Fuck heads. I think they should be counter-sued for trying to use legalities to break privacy laws!! They should get a nice slamming in the press don't you think?! And I know for a fact that there was an outcry when ODEX tried its hand at making quick big bucks off 9 year olds. So to all those disgruntled people out there. Its time to shower them with piss and write in to the forums pages! You know where to go! Onward HO!!!!! DOWN WITH ODEX! DOWN WITH FUCK-EX!! DOWN WITH ODEX! Say it with me!! DOWN WITH ODEXXXXX!!!!

Thursday, 28 June 2007

19 days of Agony...


When two people fall in love, as deep as these two. This is how it looks like. Baby, I know now that I can't live without you. . .

Can I be any luckier?


My baby, My angel. I love you so! Can there be anyone that makes me as happy as you do? And to top it off, leave me with such a warm fuzzy feeling inside? I think not!!


HEE!!! Baby!! You're just too cute! SQUISH!!


Hours before departure. . . It was a sad moment. . . Sigh

With a Heavy Heart, we attempted to smile and cheer up. The face that never fails to perk me up. I'm nothing without her now. I love you!!! I simply can't say it enough!!

Sigh... Words cannot begin to describe nor do justice to the internal turmoil I've experienced, and perhaps even my precious Eve. Goodness me, I've missed her crazy and I can't seem to get her out of my mind for even a second. Sometimes, during work, I'd have this crazy urge to throw it all aside, rob someone and fly on down to Jakarta just so I can be with my one and only love. Sigh... Baby, if you're reading this; I've missed you badly, horribly, terribly, inexplicably, torridly!!! Oh my word!! I love you sweetheart! And I can't wait for you're landing tomorrow night!! And after that its only a few hours separating our reunion again!! I know its only been 19 days, in fact I can't believe its only been 19 days!! It feels almost like an eternity!! I know I've been extremely selfish with how I feel and my demands during these past 19 days, but I simply couldn't help myself! God, I think you're the first to have made me feel this way!! Its driving me almost insane!! Sigh... Baby, all I can say that could only scratch the surface and remotely express how I feel inside, for the lack of a better form of expression limited by linguistics and NVC modes and structures. . . Baby, sweetheart, sweetie, Love of My Life, Wife-to-be. I Love you. Truly I do. And when I hold you, please forgive me if I don't let go. Because I really don't want to lose you. Irregardless of the situation. Baby, I simply CAN'T fathom life without you now. . . Ok, I'm beginning to see how disjointed this post is now. But Its how it is inside!! And honestly, I don't care. 'Cause the only thing that matters now is, baby. I love you. And I know you love me. Sweetheart. Would you be willing. To spend the rest of your life with me? I know there's a chance you won't be reading this. And it is kinda impersonal the way I'm asking (rest assured though that this will not be the only way I'll be asking, nor the last), but baby. Truly, would you? I love you. . . From within the deepest depths of my heart. Aku Sayang Kamu. Sekali Sekali. -Ivah- -I Love You- With infinite love- -Kenny-

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

I feel ugly. I am ugly.

Monday, 14 May 2007

A Good Day Relished

Today I sincerely say, has been a darn good day. Nothing special in particular happened, but being able to spend my day with baby somehow seems to always be special.

I was supposed to wake up early today for church but as usual, I woke up late! Heh. Baby and I had a good conversation that unfortunately led to a slight disagreement, which I didn't regret at all. Strange you might think, but through yesterday night's dialogue we gained a better understanding of each other's temperament and set standards of moderation. More importantly, I realized that I was on a perpetual teacher mode; going into details about every little thing or subject matter, but ignorant was I that I somehow didn't register the fact that no one wants to be taught 24/7!! And because of my unsuspecting habits, I exasperated baby. SORRY!! Heh. Okay, I've digressed once again! Hahaha, moving on with the plot of things - - -

I woke up at 9am because I promised baby that I would give her a wake up call, which I did but to my surprise baby was already awake! Heh, apparently the fruits she ate yesterday delivered the desired effect at the desired time of awakening! Haha, what a coincidence! Poor baby though, 5 hours of sleep or perhaps less and she had to prepare and off herself to work till 3pm. Surviving on lack of sleep and food she stood her own and persevered with me till late! But I digress again! Haha! Well after I hung up the phone, I of course proceeded back to sleep till about 1pm. I had my lunch and watched anime whilst I waited for baby to call me or message me on what time she was getting off and what the plan was. She called at around 3pm and so we planned to meet at her place, half an hour and I jetted myself out of the house.

Now here's where I made a trivial but nonetheless interesting observation, to me perhaps but well its my blog and I could careless about nay-sayers! Hehe! - - - On the way to the bus stop, I passed an elderly man and his parrot. What's so interesting you ask? Well the old man was passed out and soundly asleep on the bench with his head lying on the container of bird feed. While he slumbered his parrot perched itself on the bench opposite to his, unchained to his place of temporary residence but free to move or fly away at any time of its choosing. But instead, it rooted itself and stayed with its master, watching over him while he slept; as if guarding him acting as a sort of a protector. Now, bird's have been known to have small brains, but for this one to display such behaviour is truly interesting don't you think? Well, I found it quite so I thought I'd ramble about it some. Hehe. . . Anyway, moving on. I met baby at her place but not before a smoke at our usual place. She met me there of course with the same intent of smoking, and here's where it got a bit nerve racking. As we headed back into her house, her maid was closing the door. Smelling of cigarettes she halted her and we thus proceeded in (part 1), part 2 was that when we entered we were greeted by her brother!! Oh my goodness! Smelling of cigarettes baby greeted her brother briefly and rushed into her room lest the scent of burnt tobacco whiffed into the nostrils of her brother. As she did this, I distracted him with conversation. But it got interesting and we found ourselves conversing with no end in sight. Baby surprised me when she came out all decked out and beautiful for I thought we were staying home to watch "Full House". Little did I know, the message that I had received during my conversation with her brother was from her telling me that we should go out instead of staying home since her brother was home. So to cut a long story short, we headed off but but before missing the lift 4 times because I was busy engaged in an interesting dialogue regarding investments with her brother.

AAAAaaaaaanyway! I suggested we headed to church first for I missed it in the morning and I really wanted to go, for a few reasons. To start finding my faith again, quietening the demons in my heart and thus finding peace, and also to say a few words of prayers for my grandmama in church. She agreed with such goodness in her heart that I wanted to hug her. Heh. . We went to the Cathedral of the Good Shepard and attended mass. Poor tired and hungry baby who hadn't had breakfast and lunch surviving on a measly piece bread braved it out even though she wasn't Catholic nor intended to attend church that day. All for me. . . THANK YOU BABY!! LOVE!! Anyway, we decided that after church that we would pig out a a BBQ Steamboat place near Parkway Parade for we, She more, were starving! So after mass, we headed down to the east. In the bus, she apparently touched some poor old man with a severe skin problem and was a tad freaked but she soon got over it. We arrived at Parkway and tracked our way to the place baby mentioned. We got a little confused at first but after asking for directions we found it. Looking at the items they were offering, our appetites got a bit turned off for it was beyond appealing. I suggested this place I saw at East Coast Park when we were there last which looked pretty good from what I had remembered. She agreed and seconds after, we were off! Hungry but enjoying the sea breeze and atmosphere, we strolled towards our destination. Now this place was A LOT more appetite whetting as their displayed meats and food items were simply delectable! And to add icing on the cake, it was only $12.90+ and free flow of ice-cream! The deal was cemented!! Dinner time had finally arrived, and well. Not needing to go into details (for my pigging habits were disgusting), we hungrily wolfed down 4-5 plates of food that was filled to a small mound, eggs, noodles and ice-cream! YUM!!!!!

Now this was the part I really enjoyed, not to say that the rest weren't enjoyable. It was really, thoroughly and completely lovely. But this part had sentimental value. Wanting to digest our food some and enjoy a stick of cigarette, we strolled to the beach where we sat, smoked, talked and enjoyed each other's company under the blanket of stars of which we similarly admired. We didn't have a lot of time to spend there as it was getting late, but during that short duration we had. It was really enjoyable, and our laughing and chatting just was.. Indescribable. And all this with the sound of waves lapping on the shore. It was just, fantastic. Words can't really explained how I felt!! I want more!!! Heh, but sadly all good things must alas come to an end, and we thus had to leave. I sent baby to the City Hall bus stop and thence parted ways. Sigh. Today was excellent, and I wish for more times such as today. Although it was simple, it was thoroughly enjoyable. That's what I love about being with baby love; for even though no extravagance was employed, we always find a way to exploit our environment or even just each other's company. And in the end, have tonnes of fun and laughs. Hehe. . Love you baby . . . May more good times come our way. MUACH!!! Kisses!!

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Today, I've been an absolute arse. I cannot believe how incredibly rude, mean and fucked up, for the lack of a better word, I've been to baby. It was uncalled for, immature, and well fucked up!! Sorry baby. Even though you've forgiven me, I can't bring myself to forgive myself. I'll eternally remember my transgressions, I'll strive to make up for my mistakes. I promise! But really, you've been so understanding and forgiving, and I've been such an arse so frequently nowadays its quite worrying. I guess I still have some demons within me that I've yet to quell, perhaps instead of resisting and fighting them I should embrace them, make them a part of me and accept them. Sigh, its sad that I have something so precious but yet because of my fears and my insecurities I push her away. I promise that I'll come to terms with it soon. . . Sigh . . . I'm feeling very lost and confused, can't really think now . . . the only thing I have in my mind is one word: Sorry. I'm sorry baby, I really am. I pray that soon, I can move on from here and be someone that can walk and stand tall without pulling back. Sigh. . . well. . . here's a sombre wanderer, signing out . . .